I was such an idiot

Being otherwise pretty smart these days, crazily well read and pretty well thought and lived. But I did brutally waste my youth in burning, in torture - a bright flame I said afterwards mostly for self-comfort. My capabilities led me to my weaknesses, and how weak my weaknesses were. To this mature age it's still hard to come to terms with that brutal failure. But by and large, I actually have come to terms, have accepted, have pardoned my then so hopeless, burning self. That's the only way. But weak moments do come, do return, the regrets, the second guesses. That's how one lives, just a very thin sliver of life but very piercing in certain bad moments. Oh well, that's how one lives. And I could live way worse, I well know. From experience.