Also known as life. This experience of being in the world, or half-being as it mostly is as we go through various routines, varyingly numbly - this experience as wild as it is, as dangerous as it is, no safety nets here, apart from the various routines and numbnesses increasing with age, it still comes with one remove. And I don't think there is any bridging of that, there will always be a silence, an area where eyes, where thoughts will never reach. I wonder how useful observation this is, but it appears true.
In my personal story I could speak, and have, more of dislocations of sensibilities, forced crashes from imaginary and thus perfect trajectories. And I probably will have to live always with regrets and will have to keep the self-pity and the sentimentality perpetually at bay. Still, less of struggle now than recently. And, truth to be told, I have never shifted from the opinion that the views have been breathtakingly beautiful even if the air is freezing cold.
Half-being is not for me, never has: in some ways I have actually not aged at all, just matured. I still feel and I still think, no pain killers. I am not numb. Anyway, just a bit difficult Saturday with some intimations of the future for someone very loved, very innocent and very vulnerable. No routines, no numbness here,
